


Atlas

by kg613



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 16:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15975998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kg613/pseuds/kg613
Summary: Love can be quite the burden, but sometimes it's a burden worth carrying.





	Atlas

“God dammit, Alex!” Her voice wasn’t shrill, but it was grating, Alex felt it in her bones. 

“Lena, look. It’s not that I don’t want to go. I’ve just had a long day. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to do it.”

The gala was planned for months. Alex knew it. Lena put it on their shared calendar, but fuck if it wasn’t a long day and Alex had hit her max. She’d found the limit of her ability to schmooze and smile and be fucking personable. 

“Alex, it’s been on the books for months. You know this is important. I have investors coming in from Hong Kong and this merger means a lot to L Corp.” Lena deflates. “It means a lot to me. I need you there.”

“I know.”

The silent pause is nine months pregnant, full of life and waiting to explode.

“You know what, do what makes you happy. I can handle it on my own.”

\--

Thirty years is a long time to be single. It’s a long time to be alone, to handle shit without someone breathing down your neck and holding expectations. 

\--

Lena stares at her reflection in the vintage vanity mirror. The one she picked out with Alex at the posh boutique knowing it would fit their bedroom seamlessly. The soft seat, hard wooden edges, and cacophony of lights surrounding the mirror highlight Lena perfectly. She tilts her head back holding her tears at bay, then adds a bit more under eye concealer.

Her love never felt so heavy, but today the weight feels cloying. Like she can’t breathe through the boulder sitting on her chest. 

She remembers the day they purchased the vanity. She fell in love with it. Alex looked at the price tag and Lena distinctly remembers the way Alex’s shoulders sagged under the weight. 

“Lena. Seriously? It’s twenty-thousand dollars for a fucking table! That’s obscene.” The exasperation in Alex’s voice is palpable. 

“It’s not like I don’t have the money, Alex. I really want the vanity. I gave a half million dollars to charity last month, I think I’ve fucking earned a ‘table’.”

Lena realizes then that Alex sags frequently with the weight of Lena’s needs. 

Lena needs a lot. She always has. But Alex shoulders the burden. She’s quite good at it.

\--

Their fights aren’t all that monumental. 

Just reminders of inadequacies and delusions of perfection.

Each fight is a small reminder that neither of them feels worthy of love they share. 

\--

Alex is timid. She looms heavy over the kitchen counter, a marble slab Lena said would complete the entire room, she pours the whisky they bought in Edinburgh last summer. The peaty scent wafts up from the glass reminding Alex of the night they shared, all smiles and hot skin, overlooking the Royal Mile with that same flavor on both their tongues.

When a tear splashes against the stone, Alex shakes her head to dislodge the deluge that would likely follow. 

She can still feel the Egyptian cotton caressing her skin as Lena poured the Scottish liquid on her nipples and the wet tongue that followed. 

But she can also hear the disappointment in Lena’s voice when Alex said no to the yacht in the south of France. 

Lena needs so much more than Alex can give. She needs someone to indulge her. Someone who won’t feel guilty with every dollar, euro, pound, and occasional krona. 

Lena needs and, quite frankly, Alex just isn’t enough. 

\--

“You’ve always looked good in those lights.” The amber liquid has fortifies Alex’s nerves and she leans against the doorframe.

“You always thought they were unnecessary.” Lena knows what’s coming. 

“Yeah. I did. I – I do. You don’t need them to be beautiful. You don’t need any help to be breathtaking.” 

The shuddering breathe Alex takes brings Lena’s tears back to the surface. 

“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” The tears – fat and full of disappointment – start their trek down Lena’s cheeks. 

“We don’t have to do this now. It can wait.” Alex can’t bring herself to meet Lena’s gaze.

“I just - I’ll never be enough and you deserve so much more than just enough, Lena. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you.”

“I’m glad you’ve decided for the both of us, then.” Lena’s Irish blood betrays her when her tears dry on fire red cheeks, flushed with anger. 

“Lena. You – but you know it. I can’t be what you want. I’m not worthy. You know that.”

Lena’s anger is replaced once more by sorrow. 

“Alex, the only thing I’ve ever wanted is you. I just want you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know what makes you think you’re not enough for me. But if you can’t handle my love, maybe you’re right. If I’m too much, I understand.”

\--

They say that Atlas was condemned by Zeus to stand at the western edge of Gaia and to hold her skies atop his shoulders. Alex is pretty sure she is the modern incarnation of the giant. Forever bound to hold the weight of the world on her very shoulders, never able to take a break or seek reprieve. 

The weight is deafening most days. She can’t feel her feet due to the burden she carries, her brow is constantly full of sweat, and the screams of anguish never quite escape her throat.

But this weight seems different. Lighter even. 

Lena’s love has never been a burden. The opposite is true, actually. 

Lena makes her feel in control, stable, strong. 

Lena holds her together with a light and a calmness that Alex has never before understood. 

“You’ve never been too much, Lena. You’re perfect and you’re perfectly flawed. You’re so much more than I deserve. I just get so goddamn scared sometimes. Maybe we should go to counseling. Maybe I should go to counseling.”

\--

The dam breaks. 

Lena shudders and cries and her cries are not pretty. They are the ugly tears of someone on the edge of catastrophic failure. Her face is blotchy and red and full of mascara and snot which mix to form rivers of imperfection down lily white cheeks.  
Alex finds her gorgeous in her imperfections. 

Through it all Lena manages: “You mean that? You would – Alex, are you sure? You would stay?”

“I have a lot of shit I need to deal with. I am so uncomfortable with your wealth. I forget that you can’t do anything about it. I know you have obligations, but sometimes it’s just so fucking hard to understand. But Lena, if you think I’m worthy of your love, I’ll do whatever I can to earn it. I am so sorry I’ve let you think you don’t deserve the entire world. If you’ll still have me, I’ll do whatever I can to make it work.”

\--

The gala is awful. Alex hates it. It’s kissing asses and shaking hands. It’s smiling ear to ear and laughing at jokes that are far too inappropriate to be told over cocktails. 

Lena speaks Mandarin and Greek and Italian. Alex is pretty sure she hears her speaking Latin and only Lena could fluently speak a dead language to a room of multi-billionaires. Lena comes from the most hated family in the known world and yet her smile is infectious. Her eyes twinkle and she preens telling story after story to investor after investor. She works magic in every sentence. 

“So, you’re Lena’s partner?” The slightly drunk Hong Kong-based ex-pat asks.

“I am.” Alex’s smile is coy, soft and kind, yet weighted.

“She’s quite amazing, but I’m sure loving someone like her is quite the burden.”

“It’s a good thing I’ve got strong shoulders then, huh?” 

Therapy will be good. She’s got a lot to work out, but at least she isn’t Atlas, she finally has someone worthy enough to share the load.


End file.
